Chapter Forty-Three
.Chapter forty-three.
When I said this while staring with red eyes, Max bit his lip with an embarrassed and hurt expression: “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you… Don’t go like that.”
“You...didn't hurt me....”
I tried to say no, but I choked on the words.
I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to calm down, but closing my eyes made my tears fall faster.
Then his hand touched my face and he said gently: “Please let me be with you... If you go now, you will cry alone somewhere... And I hope you don’t... It is a very depressing and lonely thing.”
Those words made me feel weak, so I pressed my face into his hand and cried.
"If you're going to talk so kindly, why should you have made me cry in the first place? Why do you make people cry and say things like that..." I mumbled as I felt his hand slowly wipe away my tears.
But I realized that my words were meaningless, his words were normal, and that also made me realize that I was very broken, and no one knew that, I just.
I was a strange woman standing alone and injured for no apparent reason.
So when he spoke to me like a normal person, I unexpectedly cried in pain.
I cannot describe my sadness in words.
I could not tell him why I felt pain, and how much pain I felt, as if someone had punched me in the chest. I did not feel that I should bother others with my problems, so I did not think about telling anyone, but I felt very suffocated internally.
“Okay… I won’t make you cry again… so I don’t have to appease you like this in the first place,” Max said promisingly.
Although his silk gloves were wet with tears, he calmly wiped away my tears.
“You spoke foolishly and carelessly. I don’t know about you, but I judged him negligently from my point of view.”
He simply comforted me without any reason or consideration.
She stopped crying after hearing Max's words: "Why are you apologizing as if it was your fault? Maybe I'm just a sensitive person who is difficult to deal with."
Even though I was crying and experiencing sadness and pain, my head was burning with thoughts and I knew I looked hysterical now.
I have never shown my sadness to someone else's imam.
Since I was young, I did not show my sadness to anyone and contented myself with a cold appearance.
'I look so annoying, like I'm hysterical and shedding tears over nothing.'.
And that's what made me feel even more hurt... I hated myself for being affected by my ego and constantly doing things that went beyond common sense.
It would be better if I didn't cry.
It would be a little better then, but I know I'm wrong at this moment crying and getting angry at someone who has nothing to do with me.
From the perspective of others, I was that person who cried for no reason, was stubborn for no reason, and got angry for no reason.
Everything that happened to me in the past has disappeared, and I cannot prove it to anyone.
Max calmly looked into my eyes: “Can you calm down? Stop crying...I was wrong, so listen to me for a moment.”
He had very calm and deep eyes.
As he stared at me calmly, I calmed down a little just looking into his green eyes.
Just looking into his eyes relaxes me... Why is he so comfortable? It was strange that I calmed down.
After she calmed down a little and focused on him, he said: “You call yourself a sensitive and arrogant person, but you wouldn’t be able to say that if I saw your facial expressions now.”
“You have the face of a desperate person,” he said, gently covering my face with one hand as if I was going to break.
Despair... I did not know my condition until I heard this word from him.
Yes...I've been a mess since marrying Bernard.
Even after the pain went away, I couldn't completely escape despair.
Despair is like a swamp; once it takes hold of a person's heart, it refuses to let go.
I also thought I had gotten rid of despair... Until this moment, I only knew that I had not moved on.
I thought I had recovered and become happy... but I realized from something so trivial that my way of thinking had become negative, dark and miserable... I am still in a state of despair.
Even now, if someone annoys me even a little, I shake... like a feather he blows... but I don't throw with the wind like that, but rather I come back with vengeance and my reaction becomes bad.
Even though I understand what is happening to me, it is unfair.
In reality, it was more painful than just words.
How long will I remain a burden on others, torture myself, and repeat these shameful acts? Avoid crying, pain, and making noise.
I am like this... even if I tolerate myself, how long will the people around me tolerate me?.
It was painful to think about it.
I lowered my head and was silent for a moment, and after I finally calmed down, I placed my cold hand on my hot eyes.
You have to calm down... I have to act normally in front of people... I have to come back to my senses.
After I regained my psychological balance, I said: “I've caused you trouble again... This is the second time I've behaved this way in front of you... I won't blame you if you end up hating me now. You can leave.”
Even meeting new people was difficult. Even this I think is very selfish of me.
My story is my story...and I have to process it myself and not expect others to understand.
Just like Rena did, I shouldn't do it now.
I should not place the burden of my life on others.
This is my responsibility, not theirs.
I barely regained my composure, but tears were still flowing from her eyes.
I moved his hand away from my face, partially averting my eyes from him while looking at him sideways, wiping the tears from my eyes with my hand, and continued: “I will stay with Countess Lydia for a while and then return home.”
I couldn't control my facial expressions anymore, what made me think of coming to see him so full of hope?.
He stood next to the table and knelt down... He pulled my hand very gently, as if he was holding something fragile, and said: “If I apologize like this, will you feel the sincerity of my feelings? Don’t cry... It is painful to see you suffer because of me.”
I opened my eyes wide, tears welling up in my eyes for a moment.
The water that formed on my eyelashes fell like dew drops.
I was completely astonished and said in confusion: “What are you doing? Straighten up and stand up properly... Why are you doing this... to this extent?”
He held my hand and looked at my face and said clearly with his green eyes and soft white face, "I don't know what happened to you. But I'm sorry for hurting you. So don't underestimate yourself like that...no matter what happened, I can tell just by looking at you that you were devastated and in a lot of pain for a while."
My heart ached from those words.
I eventually sat down again.
He sat in front of me and waited for me to calm down while I was shedding tears. Thanks to this, I was barely able to get my thoughts together.
When my tears stopped and my mind calmed down, I was relieved that there were no people around and it was quiet.
At least it was fortunate that the place was not populated by people.
But regardless of my mood, I had deep doubts when I saw him still looking at me.
It was a strange, misplaced and unpleasant suspicion, but it came to my mind and I couldn't help but say it.
She looked at him suspiciously for a moment, then asked carefully: “Did…did my father hire you? Did he want you to comfort me?”
His eyes widened as if my words were unexpected, and he finally put his fist to his mouth, laughed briefly, and then said, “This can’t be true.”
He added with a slight smile: “No one in the world can hire me to comfort a woman except one person.”
He was not speaking arrogantly or arrogantly, but rather speaking calmly, as if he was stating a very clear truth.
That's why I believed him… However, I wasn't surprised because I already had an idea that he was the son of a fairly high-ranking noble.
“Sorry… It was a bit strange for someone to be so nice to me for no reason, so I suspected it.”
He gently extended his hand and stroked my cheek again.
I thought it was a very intimate touch, but since he was the one who had been wiping my tears a moment ago, it wasn't anything strange, so I didn't avoid it.
“I am interesting and full of surprises. You will never get bored with me.”
He said it with a gentle smile.
However, since she had already calmed down, she felt a little embarrassed by his wink.
He treats me like a child, and I don't cry anymore and my thoughts calm down.
His attitude was strangely gentle.
We have to be honest, affection and attention are only given to blood relatives.
In the end, I ended up muttering: “And that is exactly what raises such suspicions.”
He laughed lightly at my words: “I see you have calmed down completely now?”
This wasn't something I should have said with my eyes red and tears streaming down my lashes, but I was completely calm now and my mind was clear.
So I said it jokingly: “Because I’m not a crazy person.”
Of course, my face was completely covered in tears when I said those words, so it was a bit funny.
So I thought he might laugh a little, but he confirmed what I said a little: “I know... you're just a hurting person... and it's normal for even small things to be painful and difficult for you... this is nothing strange... I know.”
Those words of deep understanding left me speechless. How does he know how to choose words that reassure and melt my heart?.
I felt my heart softening and remained silent without saying anything.
There was a sweet and quiet silence between us.
She finally smiled at the time: “It is so amazing today and that day... Even though we have only met twice, you still say things that make me feel light.”
And I thought quietly.
It's interesting how things are going in a good rhythm for me.
My father's words came to my mind.
He said that overly good coincidences we should think about and doubt.
But….
He comforted me on such a difficult day and gave me another good day today.
I looked at the person who bore my anger and comforted me.
His mouth pulses with a friendly smile, his eyes are warm green, and his hair is beautiful black.
When I saw the affection seeping from his eyes, I felt like I was actually starting to like him.
For some reason, I didn't feel angry or disappointed when I thought about this possibility.
Even if it's not a coincidence, I can benefit from it, right?.
It gave me a lot of comfort.
However, there was no time to go ahead and find out his true intentions and talk to him.
I'll have to come down soon and check Viscount Roost's mine sooner or later.
'However, it's hard to believe that this kind of luck is pure coincidence...'.
I smiled awkwardly as I fidgeted with the empty cup. To be honest, I feel a little strange.
I think there are a lot of new things I have to try after coming back to life.
“You see, I wasn't raised to believe in overly suspicious coincidences, so if for some reason you approached me, I wouldn't be disappointed in you at all.”
She smiled warmly and expressed her good faith to him: “If there is anything you want that you can ask me, you can tell me now, because I am a person who loves clarity.”
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