Chapter Forty-Two
.Chapter forty-two.
Contrary to my first impression of him, he seemed to quite enjoy teasing people.
I felt somewhat annoyed, so I looked at him and frowned my displeasure: “Do you always like teasing people like this?”
It comforted me and then made me feel angry at the same time.
I had a million different ideas at that moment, but I was the only one who was serious... Isn't this a big joke on our first date?.
If Risdell were in front of me at this moment, I would easily be angry with her!.
I couldn't hold back my anger and looked at him briefly and said in annoyance: “You've already made fun of me twice since I met you.”
When I got a little upset.
Max took a step back, spread his arms, and said regretfully, “Please forgive me for being a little rude. I just wanted you to be comfortable with me, and now that you’re comfortable with me, I won’t bother you anymore.”
He looked at me warmly and added very kindly: “I just wanted your time with me today to be more enjoyable and happy.”
Just like when we first met, he was a strangely comforting person... like he was shading the person with his warmth like a safe canopy.
Besides, who could be angry with him when he looked at me with his warm green eyes and spoke with a smile like that?.
He seems to know very well how to use his beautiful face and eyes.
In the end, I relaxed my face and smiled: “Great, I will trust your good intentions and forgive you.”
Max felt his heart warm as he looked at her smiling, comforting face.
He couldn't figure out why he felt this way.
He didn't know why he was so worried about the woman who was looking at Bernard from the window with anger and hatred?.
He thought it would be nice for the woman who stood coldly at the window, looking as if she hated the world, to be happy.
“It's an honor... There's a picture I looked at earlier, and it was very beautiful... Can I lead you to it?”
She thought for a moment and nodded: “Okay, as you wish... You can take me on a tour today, I will leave it up to you.”
Her face seemed more comfortable than before... different from the cold face he saw the first time and the collapsed face he saw on their second meeting... He was happy about that.
Does he feel responsible as Bernard's boss?.
He followed his heart even though he felt some doubts about his decision.
“Please give me your hands.”
She seemed hesitant for a moment, then extended her hand.
He put his big hand on top of hers.
Her hand seemed to have suffered for so long that it had become thin.
She looked exactly like his mother who died at a very young age... He was shocked to see where he had gone.
So the image of the woman standing at the window had been bothering him for days.
He vaguely realized what he was seeing in the woman's pale, broken, crying face.
“A pale and unhappy woman.”
A withered woman stands at the window and stares coldly at a departed person.
Kamah died when she was very young and he couldn't do anything for her.
He forgot what happened to her because he couldn't help her.
He thought he had completely forgotten what happened in the past.
But why did he keep thinking about her after he saw her withering away at this time?.
Is it because her appearance, standing behind the window and staring blankly, closely resembles his engraved childhood memories?.
Without anyone noticing, he tried to calm himself down as he pursed his lips tightly and said with feigned calm: “Your hand is very thin... but no matter how beautiful a lady you are, being this thin may harm your health.”
Carmilla looked at her hands with eyes that meant nothing.
“Does she look that bad?”
Max shook his head: “No, I didn’t mean that. I just wanted you to take good care of your health.”
Finally, she laughed a little and said strangely: “What a very strange man... I have never seen anyone be so concerned about the health of a woman he is meeting for only the second time.”
“I agree... it's really weird even for me too... I'm kind of worried about you,” Max replied with a sarcastic smile.
It was really strange.
But why did that memory continue to gnaw at his mind and shake his being?.
She liked the paintings, his calm and serious explanation, and his smoothness like water.
Meanwhile, I noticed him calling her “Ms.,” so I introduced him as Carmela Armin and asked him to call me by my name if it didn’t bother him.
“If you want... I dare you to do the same... Carmella.”
His green eyes looking at me are beautiful.
It occurred to me that if I were an artist, I would draw his eyes.
It was surprisingly fun to walk with him through the Pacific Corridor and not only enjoy looking at the different paintings, but also sharing conversations with him.
Until now, I had always viewed paintings alone. I didn't even know that I could enjoy them more if I had a companion to look at.
I stopped at a painting that caught my attention and said: “The artist here skillfully expressed the light through the color green. He focused on the lamp on the wall using the green color... as if he was playing a musical note... he did it really harmoniously... it is an amazing thing... and he is a master artist in his painting.”
I looked to the side, my cheeks red with excitement, and Max nodded sympathetically and added:.
“The painting also skillfully uses the bold white color to reflect sharp angles, giving a bold and elegant impression...Despite its boldness, it does not look complicated or exaggerated, which shows the artist’s ingenuity and enjoyment of painting...I loved it.”
After listening to his words, I was touched because I definitely felt that way: “I actually feel the same way, but I couldn’t express it accurately... You express it really well... After your well-chosen verbal expressions, I feel like I see the painting better... As if I’m imbued with understanding it..”
Max responded to my enthusiastic words.
“Being full from seeing it is important, but being full from eating is even more important... Aren’t you feeling a little hungry now? Let’s sit in a suitable place, rest for a while and eat something... In addition, you have been standing for a long time on the heels of your shoes... You may feel tired afterward, even if you don’t feel it now.”
He walked skillfully down the hall, found a suitable place, and suggested it to me.
When I sat in the chair, I was able to communicate with him surprisingly well and it was so enjoyable that I almost forgot how tired I felt.
“Ah… really. I didn’t realize it until you said it, but my legs get tired when I sit… If I stood any longer, my legs would have been sore tomorrow.”
“He doesn't seem like someone who likes to exercise,” Max said with a smile, “but I was worried because you stood for so long without showing any signs of fatigue…I was also glad to see that you had fun.”
I frankly admitted that I felt close to him as we appreciated the artworks together: “Actually, I never thought that examining paintings with others could be so much fun...”
“I'm worried that after having this wonderful experience with you, I'll feel less lonely and have less fun looking at paintings alone in the future,” I muttered as I looked at the top of the bottle Max brought me.
Max put a lemon on my cup and said lightly: “Or maybe in the future, you can have a new pleasure by making good friends with whom you can watch Carmela paintings.”
My eyes popped out of their sockets when I realized this was a really good idea.
Yes. I could view the paintings that way too.
Why did I give up on the things available to me and just sit and count my disappointments and defeats?.
It seems that I was immersed in sadness and despair for so long that I forgot how to think positively.
I looked at him sitting in front of me with bright eyes.
At first glance, I thought that his elegant face somehow showed his strong spirit.
It occurred to me that his calm face was somehow a reflection of his strong spirit.
“You really have a sound mind.... Now that I know how to enjoy it with you, maybe I'll have the chance to enjoy it with someone else... Why didn't I think of that?”
Max looked at me calmly and said, “In general, it seems that when a person gets used to sadness, he then starts thinking desperate thoughts and gives up and runs away in advance.”
I was speechless for a moment... I didn't know what to say.
Did he read my thoughts? Or is he just speaking in general terms?.
“Even if you have a way to be happy, you will not see it because you do not even imagine that you will be happy one day... because you are so lonely.”
He continued speaking slowly, without paying attention to my reaction: “Achieving goals on the ground is slow, but there is a quick step that must precede it, which is to imagine that you have obtained it first... because if it does not occur to you and you do not dream of it or hope for it, then you will not try to obtain it and nothing will be achieved... Giving up early is like a slow death... and continuing to run away is also like a slow death.”
Even controlling my facial expressions was useless, my face became stiff and I said, “What do you want to say?”
The words that came out of my mouth were harsh.
Max looked at me and said, “The rule is that anyone can be happy at any time... That means we shouldn’t stop dreaming.”
His opinion was very clear, but for some reason I felt angry.
Many words remained stuck in my throat.
You speak without knowing what happened until you gave up everything, one by one, and sat lamenting your disappointment.
Without knowing anything about what I went through or how I changed like this.
Don't say I chose not to try so easily.
Because if I don't give up trying, I will die.
No, I gave up because I died slowly.
I still remember the rickshaw incident as if it were today.
The day I was so miserable I jumped off the wagon like a rag doll.
That miserable, violent incident that made me feel like I was nothing more than a rag doll finally taught me to give up.
And the pain of my foolishness and my hope to love my husband even when he talked about his desperate love for another woman.
I felt betrayed every moment.
I died slowly while I was trapped inside that house and there was no way to escape from it.
Day after day, I was rotting away waiting for the door to open and for my husband to come tell me he was sorry.
I suffered a lot because I learned very slowly and gave up after a while. I should have given up from the beginning.
Even my child, who should not have died, died because of my constant attempts.
If I had not felt any hope...and if I had given up and run away a long time ago...I would now be living happily with my child.
If I didn't struggle to be happy in that hell. At least the baby hadn't come and gone.
The world has pressured me, told me to give up, told me not to dream, and now it's coming back to me, as if it's my fault.
I choked on the words.
I don't know what to say, but it doesn't matter because my mood was so bad.
I had a lot of fun today, but suddenly I felt like life was unfair and it was hard for me to bear.
But when I opened my mouth to object, I didn't know what to say.
Everything I went through didn't happen so no matter what I tell him, it's just a lie.
For a moment, misery hit me so hard it punched me in the heart, and tears welled up in my eyes.
Finally, I tilted my head to cover my face and spoke.
“Thank you for those kind words...I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling well.”
I was trying to leave hurriedly, but he grabbed my wrist and said, “Are you okay?”
I gritted my teeth.
My heart suddenly became a mess because of someone from my past...and because of who dug into the memories without knowing.
I was about to take a closer look at him, but tears quickly fell from my eyes and I said tearfully: “Please leave me...”
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