Chapter twenty-four
.Chapter twenty-four.
At my words, Rena burst into tears like a child.
"I know. I know but what do I do? It's so scary. I thought I would be able to do this, but I can't. It's scary. I knew no one here loved me, but I didn't know they didn't love me that much."
Rena said, her voice mixed with tears.
“Uh… I think I would die if I entered that house. When I thought about it, it was very scary and brought tears to my eyes. But I can’t retreat… I can’t run away. I love Bernard. He’s so good I don’t want to run away. No, I can’t but… Courage… Courage… I don’t have it… ….”
I felt strange for a moment.
You know that yourself. Entering this house is, in fact, death.
I thought she didn't see this because she was blinded by greed.
Rena, whose cheeks were cold from crying at that time and dark circles shadowed her eyes, looked at my face and said, as if she wanted to hold on to a ray of hope.
“Miss Carmela, will I be okay?”
Like a monster and a child who doesn't even know who is standing in front of her, Rena looked at me with hope, and said.
“Tell me to be brave, tell me to move forward, I think I can do it if you encourage me....”
Tears flowed from Rena's eyes as she begged me to encourage her.
My mouth was closed for a moment.
Why did you ask me to say that? Why me in particular?.
She can't even decide her own fate?.
It was strange. I was so happy that she would be locked in the house instead of me and die comfortably even now, but I could only say one word, and that was difficult.
It was fine to act directly, but when she asked me to encourage her to throw herself to her death, I shut my mouth.
How contradictory are humans?.
My stomach was hurting. Rina, I really don't think this is for me.
I think it would be difficult to force her to die...it doesn't suit me like that.
She could have hated Bernard with all her might.
“Don't call me Lady. Didn't you also get a secondary title from my family? Call me Miss Carmella.”
At the end of those words, I looked at her with a blue face as if I saw a ghost, then I turned around.
“Today doesn't look like a good day to me. I'll come back next time when you're feeling better. Go buy clothes to appear in the social world? But with a face like this, it seems impossible to choose clothes today.”
She added as she left the room.
“Send me a message when you feel better.”
After leaving the room with a calm face, I stood with my back against the wall and held my breath.
I was breathing like the first time.
I was struggling to regain my strength and return home.
“I prefer to have a maid or butler do the rest...” Please follow up on this for me in the future. “.
The words that came out of her mouth were so exhausting that they sounded like a crossword puzzle.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Why are you looking at me with those eyes... You are like my enemy. Like a fool who does not know where to lay her head.”
I covered my head and muttered.
“Why does she look like she took the bait on purpose, as if she already knew everything?”
My heart was warm.
I hated that woman too. That woman who puts all the guilt on me.
That selfishness that wasn't even completely evil.
But can I forgive her? If I think about whether I can really forgive her.
No, this is impossible. The cry of my child, whom I had never heard before, was so strong that I felt like blood was seeping into my heart.
As long as I didn't get my old child back, I couldn't forgive myself for taking on the role of villain again.
That was impossible.
She finally muttered with a cold face.
“It's her fault, there's nothing I can do for her.”
There was some noise in the middle, but things ran like water.
“It won't take long to choose a dress and make a list of parties to introduce her to.”
I muttered as I checked things.
“The problem is rather.”
Rina seemed to have calmed down, but sometimes she would appear to me with swollen eyes.
However, it was clear that she was trying to stay calm about what happened when she was alone.
If she can stand on her own, that's enough.
She hated looking into those swollen eyes because she looked deeply depressed and showed her inner thoughts.
I didn't feel like a bully.
Because there was a lot of garbage that Rena and Bernard threw into my heart.
They threw so much garbage into me that I stopped caring for them as a human being.
It is said that a person once turned into a mountain of garbage, until he died.
I survived not because they stopped hurting me and throwing trash at me, but because of the miracle that happened to me and the fact that I did my best to live without missing that opportunity.
So I only said one thing.
“Whatever you do, it's your decision. I hope you don't come to me with swollen eyes in the end. Unless you want to embarrass me on purpose.”
The maid next to me was dressing Rina, she was rather mean and I looked at her uncomfortably.
However, Rena looked at me with clear eyes and replied in a suppressed voice.
“Yes, fine.”
Her eyes had a rather cold look.
And strangely annoying.
I didn't know why it bothered me... Maybe because I don't like everything about it... Because I simply hate it.
She asked her wryly: “By the way, did Sir Bernard tell you about...”
Rena's face was white, disappearing between the dresses she was trying on and somewhat lifeless.
I was surprised by her appearance and hesitated, but I continued speaking moderately.
“...Are you frustrated?”
Rena didn't answer.
She only kept her pale red lips closed. The color of her cheeks contrasted with the pale color of her skin, and there was a stubbornness in her eyes.
As if I was trying to bring a doll back to life and humanity to that face that was so amazingly beautiful.
I was sprinkling salt on her wound with my question.
“This is my job. Bernard already has his own weight.”
Her reaction was rather strange, like a mother bird swaddling her young.
As proof of this, as soon as she finished her words, Rena was suddenly calm.
It was unexpected. I was astonished rather than insulted.
I opened my eyes wide in surprise and slowly looked at Rena again.
Suddenly, she returned to her old behavior as the first time she met her in the temple orphanage came back to life.
He thought she was a completely ignorant person, so he suddenly remembered her previous sentence.
‘Because if I am afraid, Bernard suffers more. So I'm fine.'.
Suddenly, it dawned on me that what Bernard thought was a one-sided relationship that protected her might be a little different.
Suddenly, I asked her a strange question.
“Miss Rena, what do you usually do when you and Sir Bernard are alone?”
At these words, a question appeared on Rena's white face.
“Yes…?”
But I looked at her face as if waiting for an answer. With an unknown motive, Rena's stiff face changed.
I was surprised and hesitated.
“...We both talk quietly. About the various trivial stories that happened that day. Or I play with Bernard’s piano.”
As she spoke, a small smile crept onto her face.
"Originally, he played the violin well, but his hand became stiff due to swordsmanship, so it's impossible now, so he no longer plays stringed instruments. He says it bothers him when he hears his playing has been ruined."
Then she said, “Oh,” and looked at me.
“I…have I been too petty?”
I shook my head, looking at her expressionlessly.
“No. Don’t worry, I asked because I was curious.”
Actually, I wasn't even curious about it until now.
I just wondered what Bernard, who hadn't been home for a long time, was doing with his girl outside.
So when the opportunity arose, I wanted to ask such a question to see if I had any shortcomings towards it.
Did he curse me while talking about me, as I thought, or was he just laughing and having fun?.
Were they secretly spending time together? Or was he telling her that the only thing he loved was you.
My imagination was very old and it pictured those scenes for me.
I thought about it for a long time, and I wanted to know why so much.
But why, even though that was the answer to the question I had been thinking about for a long time, I really wondered why he destroyed his family and went to Rena.
When she answered me, the fantasies that were haunting me disappeared, and as I listened to the truth from Rena’s mouth, I felt like I was listening to someone else’s story.
What I thought was a restriction on me was not actually a restriction, so I fell without emotion.
Was it really an old restriction?.
I even heard it.
Oddly enough, I felt some relief once my long-standing curiosity was resolved.
I asked her, finding the liveliness and smile on her face.
“As a request, please remind Bernard of the party and smile as you do now when you first appear at Count Roost’s party. I don’t want to receive the stigma of being an ex-fiancée who annoys the new bride and makes her sad. I’m sure that when you actually went to get your clothes tailored, some gossip arose.”
Rena's face turned pale.
“...I wouldn't think of anything like that...! Sorry. I haven't really thought about it yet.”
I said in a soft tone.
“You don’t need an apology. This is very funny. If you think your apology will be of much value, I hope you will watch your expressions from now on.”
Just as she was about to apologize, he looked at her with a dark expression and she closed her mouth.
“If you think I'm mean, I must say I'll be disappointed in you. A lady who doesn't even watch her expressions can't stand Sir Bernard, whom you want to have.”
“Yes…..”
When I looked at her completely dead expression, I spoke to her as if I were giving her friendly advice.
“Please do not embarrass your godmother and Sir Bernard. This is indeed an unequal marriage.”