The story I intended to short ended up being long.
What was supposed to be a mere recounting of facts became mixed with emotion, and unnecessary details were added to the lengthy speech.
And so, when Kaiyan finished speaking, he wandered around for a moment, unsure where to direct his gaze.
That was something that had never happened before.
He has never revealed his past to anyone.
He never talked about the nature of his feelings at that time.
And then…
“Ah.”
The feeling of anxiety while waiting for a listener's reaction, hoping he would say something, was also new to him.
“This...”
It was a feeling he had never experienced with anyone before, and the difficulty that accompanied it.
While he was trying to decipher the strangeness of the matter, April suddenly spoke.
“This is normal.”
"…What?"
"A child who has a strong need to communicate learns to speak quickly. Therefore, in Salt's novel... children of royal families who had servants who cared for them and got everything they wanted immediately were noticeably slower in learning how to speak."
“…”
“There is nothing to order first, so this is normal. Therefore, the young master’s actions were not wrong.”
It was an unexpected answer.
Kaiyan turned his head without realizing it, and met April's gaze.
Her face was grimaced with a frown. She looked like she was about to cry. He couldn't tell exactly what kind of expression was on her face.
But one thing was also certain. Even though he was emotionless, and therefore often indifferent to the feelings of others, this certainty was a strange thing that he could feel.
“…Why is the princess upset?”
His unfortunate past was his alone, it was gone, and it was something that could not be changed. Wasting emotions on him now would be pointless.
But why was this little woman…why was she unnecessarily worried about him?
“Well, I just… While listening to Young Master’s story, I thought, if I could, I would love to meet Young Master as a child and hug him.”
“…”
I want to console him. To make sure he eats well, sleeps well, and plays well. I just want him to have a healthy childhood. A child who did not deserve to go through these things, and I am grateful that he is alive.
“…”
“It must have been very difficult for him.”
...This was not the first time Kayan had received such support.
Duke Blair's estate was a place that embraced the only child warmly, and his maternal grandfather, though rude, was kind.
He never expressed his feelings, but it was still possible to find someone to comfort him.
But no one, nothing, had ever made Kayan Blair feel this way.
The overwhelming feeling that emanated from deep within him was a strange feeling to him.
Why did he feel a strange tightness in his chest when he saw this woman choosing her words carefully, fearing that she might unintentionally hurt him with something she said?
He felt as if the blood in his body was boiling.
Why did he want to hug her small shoulders? Why did he want to bury his face in her white neck and breathe quietly?
Why, why...
Did I… have feelings for her?
April's image was reflected in the silvery moonlight, glowing dimly.
Although the season was a cold winter, it seemed to him like spring April.
* * *
The morning in Blair, usually cloudy, was surprisingly bright.
“Ugh…”
I tried to avoid the sun's rays penetrating my eyelids, so I turned my head, but I couldn't resist and finally opened my eyes.
Last night, I left the window open and accidentally fell asleep, so I didn't close the blackout curtains.
Because I stayed up late and woke up early, my body felt heavy, as if it were weighed down.
“Oof.”
Perhaps because I went to bed with a disturbed mind, my dreams were disturbed as well.
Maybe it was because of the Duke's story I heard yesterday.
Is it okay for me to hear such things?
I shook off my drowsiness as I poured myself a cup of water from the kettle, and as I looked out the window, I heard the sound of screaming coming from below.
Despite the early hour, I could see the knights who had already started their training, and among them was the Duke who had been talking to me until late last night.
Why did he, who had always seemed so trustworthy and admirable, seem so pathetic today?
The man who had seemed so distant and emotionless, like an artificial intelligence handling tasks with cold efficiency, now appeared strangely like a small, wounded animal.
In fact, I have always considered Kayan Blair to be a noble person, different from me.
So I often referred to him as the “ideal male hero,” considering him a separate entity from me.
Although I knew from the original story that the Empress used all kinds of tricks to make Raiden the Crown Prince, I didn't connect it to the Duke, but rather considered it an obscure part of the story that I barely remembered.
But after hearing his past from his mouth yesterday, I finally understood why I didn't connect the Duke to the original story before.
The Kayan Blair I met did not seem for once like a man thrust into an unfortunate situation by the Empress's machinations.
In fact, he was such a brilliant and intelligent person that it was difficult to relate him to the story I was reading.
He was someone accustomed to reverence and respect, someone accustomed to judging others.
No, he was someone who naturally deserved it.
That's why…
I never thought that the Duke would have lived a life similar to mine in South Korea, where I competed with others for everything from childhood to adulthood, and lived a life full of competition until the day I died.
But in some ways, he lived a life very similar to mine. In fact, he probably lived a less protected life than I did.
“I… I used to avoid things when they were difficult.”
I never tried to change the situation I was put in or even take advantage of it.
So, I went to college through competition as my parents wanted.
Then I got a job by competing again.
I worked a job, and I was competing all the time.
I just try not to attract attention in society.
The best I could do was live a life like everyone else's.
Spending every day in a boring routine, working at least eight hours a day and commuting two hours each way, was very predictable.
Death due to exhaustion.
By contrast, Duke Blair was different. Although he had a harsh childhood, he grew up with dignity and the rule of the harsh duchy par excellence.
He worked harder than anyone else, which earned him everyone's respect, and he knew how to take care of his people and be considerate of them.
...Could it be because I couldn't do it?
I admired Duke Blair's imposing appearance before, but that's about it. But now, he seemed to me a different person.
No, I think I'm finally starting to understand what kind of person Kayan Blair is.
“Miss, are you awake already?”
When she heard Bonita's lively voice, she finally turned to her.
"Huh? You here?"
“I knocked on the door, but when there was no response, I thought you were still asleep. I was going to leave a snack and go...”
“Maybe it was because I left the window open, so I didn't hear you.”
As the knights' shouts still echoed from the training ground outside, Bonita seemed to understand my response.
“I see. So, shall I prepare the washing water for you?”
“Yes, please. Somehow, I feel like a guest will arrive early today.”
"a guest?"
Bonita looked at me with a puzzled expression, but after thinking about it all night, I had a hunch.
Marquis Stefan.
If there are people who exploit their friend's trust as a means to achieve their personal interests...
People like this will not stop at something trivial like this.
“It no longer matters why they do it.”
Most importantly, I will not sit idly by and let this happen.
Maybe my hunch was right.
“Ah, Mrs. Ashley has already come to visit us!”
A guest arrived early in the morning.