I showed Cesar an illustration of a pair of ducks incubating eggs. The picture made him stare intently for a long time, not taking his eyes off it.
This is a famous fairy tale. No one knows. The ugly duckling was shunned by everyone and harassed everywhere. Finally, he realized he was a beautiful swan and flew into the sky.
There's something about the ugly duckling character that reminds me of Cesar. Actually, that's the reason I chose this story.
I only hope for one thing.
“Well, Cesar will also one day….”
I mumbled halfway through reading the book.
“Is there a day?”
Lately, he often retorts my last sentence and asks again. Yes, perhaps one day Cesar will also become as beautiful as the swan in the story.
We need such hope.
“Yeah, it's nothing.”
I continued reading, the story quickly led into the duckling's difficulties and little adventure.
Cesar was completely fascinated. When the duck was bullied, he clenched his fists.
The story seemed to suit him so well that I had to read it over and over again that day.
We read until darkness covered the window, then darkness fell, and we continued reading.
“This is not my son!”
Even the only mother he trusted turned her back.
“So ugly!”
The gentle old woman, the hen, the cat... all criticized the ugly duckling.
“Terribly evil!”
What went wrong? The ugly duckling looked at his face reflected in the water and lamented bitterly.
What's the problem? Ugly gray fur? Or that black beak?
The problem is… everything. If possible, the ugly duckling would like to tear off all its feathers. Deep sadness.
“What did I do wrong to be born this ugly?”
At that time, someone whispered in my ear:
"No, prince. The most beautiful prince in the world."
But the ugly duckling didn't hear that.
“Will anyone love me even though I'm like this?”
No one loves, of course. The Ugly Duck was in despair and finally fell into the cold lake.
Who would love someone this ugly? Who?
‘Who would marry a monster like this!’
The body sinks and wraps itself in the duckweed. Dark, cold and damp.
It's scary, my whole body looks like there are worms crawling. Marry a monster? A wedding that deserves the most blessings, but I am the most pitiful bride in the world.
Just die and be done with it. Must die for everyone to regret. Parents only cry at the funeral.
Fortunately, there is a deep lake in the palace that is difficult for ordinary people to recognize.
Okay, let's jump down here.
But when I reached the lakeshore, I hesitated. The black water seemed to swallow me whole, it was scary. Death is terrible.
It was late at night, the air was cold. I forgot to wear a scarf. Clothes are also not neat. If she saw me, she would think I was a disobedient girl who knew nothing.
The water is definitely colder. Doesn't like cold.
That thought scared me. Why do I think about death? Must go back.
And at that moment, a strong force pushed my back. Unexpectedly, I lost my balance and fell face down into the ice water.
Struggling desperately to escape. But there was a pressure that pushed my head under the water.
Who is that? Who forced me to suffer like this? Please stop. I'm tired and scared. Even though I struggled, the water still poured into my nose, stinging.
I want to pray for everything to end quickly.
―Human life is so resilient…
Suddenly a familiar voice rang in my ear:
―Wake up.
Please end it… I convulsed in the black water.
―Stop it, stop struggling, damn it!
This time the voice was urgent and faster:
―Ren, wake up.
The voice pulled me up.
“Gulp… gulp…”
Opening my eyes, I opened my mouth and gasped. The salty taste makes the eyes sting. I soon realized it was just sweat running down my forehead.
But still can't feel reality. Breathing slowly and exhaling, I feel reassured.
The pent-up breaths came rushing out, like an old dike breaking before a flood.
“Pant… pant…”
Instinctively clutching his chest. Fortunately, the body was not wet at all.
"Lace."
I looked into Cesar's eyes.
“Ce…sar?”
Still not sure if this is a dream or real, I'm confused.
“Yeah… yeah.”
Consciousness is vague, breathing is weak.
Familiar feeling. Last time too.
Dreamed of drowning again. I wish… why is the dream so vivid?
“……This, is it called a dream?”
Why is a dream so painful? The body trembled with fear.
Cesar hugged me. This feeling is strange but extremely comforting. Tears flowed in streams.
“I… am so scared…”
I sobbed, telling him all my fears. Who knows, maybe this action is somewhat cowardly and cruel. I realized that, my heart ached.
But to overcome this horror, I must speak.
“It's really scary…”
“Yes.”
Cesar nodded slowly, as if he understood everything.
I hugged him tighter, crying non-stop.
“What is this dream… why is it happening to me….”
Fear, anxiety, insecurity... emotions swirl into the mind like a fierce tornado.
Eyes filled with messy tears. I know I'm ugly but I can't stop. The only way is to blurt everything out. The words were chaotic, both hiccuping and whining, but nothing came of it.
Even though I was so confused, Cesar still listened quietly and said:
“It's okay.”
He patted my back gently. The action was familiar, like I had done with him before.
"YES."
"It's OK."
But the warmth in his arms made me feel secure, unable to let go. Temperatures higher than normal people bring strange comfort.
We hugged each other for a long time, understanding each other.
As I vented my feelings, my eyes gradually dried. The sobbing stopped, giving way to silence. I spoke first.
“Th… that, hey….”
"YES."
Still feeling Cesar's hand caressing my back, I felt my eyes dry and embarrassed.
I was going to say it's okay, it was just a bad dream.
“So… ah…”
I temporarily withdrew from the embrace, the distance was enough to place a lemon between our two faces. Look straight into each other's eyes. Today, Cesar's eyes are darker than usual.
"EH…."
I don't know why I'm confused. Maybe because he just showed off his childish appearance.
Now I'm so weak and soft. Maybe that's why we have to endure Cesar's innocence.
Slowly, Cesar's face approached mine. I made a strange sound without having time to control it.
"EH…?"
I closed my eyes tightly. My heart beats fast, like I've just sprinted.
His face approached me...