Chapter Six
.Chapter Six.
It would be really nice if the world were without feelings.
Everything has become meaningless to me, if only my heart could let go of everything that happened to it and move on, it would be free from that fateful past.
If I let myself go for a moment, I think about those old memories... when I bit my lip and realized that my hand had stopped embroidering.
“Ah, something strange is happening to me again.”
You don't have to think about a past that doesn't exist anymore. She blinked her eyes, got rid of that painful thought, and began embroidering again.
No matter how much I focused, the house was strangely noisy.
Suddenly I felt strange and raised my head, but Risdell approached me with great embarrassment.
“Ma’am, ma’am. Bernard has arrived. He looked like he was about to say something serious. Perhaps he came to make peace...!”
She was whispering, but then she started as if she was screaming, she spoke and looked at my expression expectantly.
"came?"
My face full of joy suddenly frowned, only when I saw her anxious blue eyes did I realize that my face was frowning.
I calmed down and said calmly.
“Don’t make a fuss about it everywhere, tell him to go quietly to the living room. I won’t go out to meet him outside.”
“A visit without a prior message seems to me as if he is visiting me and does not want to leave any trace of his visit.”
I felt a contraction in my heart, but I shook those feelings quickly.
It doesn't seem normal for me to hate someone just because I broke up with them.
My hatred is just a feeling that should be kept away from the eyes of others. I shouldn't show my hatred for him openly.
I looked at my face in the mirror for a moment.
My face looked a little pale, but it wasn't a problem.
I didn't care what he would think or like.
'I don't look bad.'.
I got ready and went to the living room.
I told them to be calm, but the stairs were filled with excitement. It seemed like the maids were spreading rumors everywhere.
I think that my giving them gifts at that time was not something annoying, but rather the gifts did something unexpected, made the maids love me very much.
Even though I'm an owner who has to be tough, I act calm and gently scold them like it's my job.
However, it was embarrassing because I couldn't scold them for spreading rumors because I liked them.
“Right now, my mom is just watching me, so I can't come forward and scold them.”
However, it was also true that my heart somehow softened, and my heart sank into my chest.
I felt the sensation of Bamyan, as if I had become a precious jewel.
“Yes, he probably came here to end the long conversation and end this engagement completely.”
Maybe you don't care.
When I entered the drawing room calling for Bernard, I was greeted with a slap.
Oh, like before. Like that day.
With shock, my eyes flashed and my body staggered violently.
“Are you trying to kill Rena after you confused me? Is this the surprise you talked about?”
In an instant, even without a chance, I was back in the past.
When I opened my eyes, controlled my swaying body and closed my eyes, in front of me, as always, he looked as if he would devour me at any moment with his intensely shining eyes.
“Why? Why did you do that! Didn’t I tell you to back off? Were you trying to surprise me? Answer me!”
I felt dizzy at the mention of her name again. I repeated her name inside my head, feeling sick of it.
Our opinion. Our opinion. Our opinion.
It didn't even matter what was going on.
My husband is angry with me because of Raina, and he is becoming more vicious and rude because of her again.
That was our normal relationship in the past.
When it comes to Rena, he neglects me over and over again, just like he did the day I died.
Instead of crying, she licked her lips.
Do you think I will be weak? I? This is my reward?.
Somehow a provocative smile spread on her lips.
I'm Carmella Armin?.
If Bernard gets really angry and hits me, I'll pay it back.
The primal pressure of my awareness of the physical difference between him and me loomed in my face.
The fear of facing an angry monster caused my entire body to freeze. But I couldn't admit my defeat.
Hate that I didn't even know existed came pouring out of me. She made me stand and raise my head correctly, and I smiled even in this position.
The moment he saw my smile, the anger in his eyes flared even more. The moment he raised his hand again to slap me, I was faster than him and slapped him in the face with the crystal vase.
She raised her hands as quickly as possible and slapped him with all her might.
What do you think you are!.
Blood flowed from Bernard's lip. He looked at me with his shocked eyes regaining a little of their senses... I laughed softly at his reaction.
I had a strange feeling, like I was becoming a machine and moving my body like a puppet.
“You seem a little upset. Don’t get me wrong. I just slapped you like you slapped me... because it seems you can’t speak calmly with your mouth... come back when you can speak.”
He looked at Bernard as she quietly dismissed him, feeling his eyes grow colder. It was clear to his ear that what was coming out of my mouth was a mechanical tone without any clear expressions.
The hatred that cannot be hidden oozes from my body. They said love and illness couldn't be hidden, and that wasn't all.
Hate is not something easy to hide either.
If I look at this disgusting human being, if I see his face – I can't bear to look at him!.
He quickly ran out of the drawing room. He stumbled, and began walking quickly again.
I felt like vomiting. It was painful because I felt like my heart was burning and my heart was turning coal black.
I was afraid that something would enter my chest and over my heart like a suffocating scarf and suffocate my entire body.
I want someone to save me.
It's a new life... I don't want to waste it in hatred.
Please turn off this damned noise filling my head.
Reyna, Bernard. I hate you, I hate you, I can't not hate you, and I don't want to ruin my life by hating you too.
I can live a happier life now and I don't want to burn in my hatred for these two people the way I burned in that house.
Nothing ever happened. So there is nothing to forgive him, I will just pretend that I know nothing about what happened in the past.
This burning pain in my heart and the hatred boiling in my chest can be eliminated.
I cannot forgive. This is why I wanted to leave him and destroy my relationship with him and everything, but he messed with everything and I went back to square one.
Why are you so cruel? Why? What right do you have to slap me like that?.
I started crying for some reason.
Her face bore a pitiful expression, tears streaming from her eyes so hard that they spilled onto the ground.
She suddenly stopped crying and looked out the window. I saw a small head coming out of the house, with gray hair and a solid build. It was Bernard.
Do I run and kill myself in his hands now? Now that I am a precious daughter, if I die at his hands, won't my father take revenge on him?.
I can ruin his life.
My head was fuzzy and I was strongly aroused by irrational thoughts.
Whether it is despair or hatred, countless things have a strong grip on me.
I couldn't take my eyes off the sight of Bernard leaving as if my eyes were forcefully glued to him. His appearance was like the straw that broke the camel's back and brought out all my hatred.
Someone jumped out of the carriage and seemed to greet him.
Judging from the black hair and fancy clothes, it seemed like he was a close friend of his.
Suddenly his friend felt my gaze on him, raised his head and looked at me. I couldn't see his face because it was far away, but I felt his gaze on me.
When Bernard tried to look at what his friend was looking at, I felt like I was about to fall headfirst out of the window, so I stumbled in front of her and hid.
I was even afraid of what I would do if I faced that face now.
I have to run away before I lose what's left of my mind.
Feeling like a survival instinct, I turned away from the window with distaste.
Then he heard a cracking sound along with a screaming sound. I looked back and it was Hannah.
“Oh my god, what happened?”
Here, dropping what she was holding in her hand, she came running in amazement.
She supported me, her voice trembled as she said.
“Madam, why is your hair... like that! Your face... your face......”
She touched my face with trembling hands.
“What about my lady’s face? What happened to my lady’s face and her hair...ah...and your hands....”
Her voice was mixed with panic and crying.
It was strange.
Hannah's crying and shock slowly brought me back to reality. I'm here. I am in the present, I am at home.
Like a safe girl, like a safe girl in the arms of her parents.
Only then did I come to my senses a little. So I tried to raise my right hand towards Hannah's crying face.
“Uh..ah.”
I groaned and leaned forward in pain, suppressing my screams of searing pain.
The moment I thought of the reason, I remembered that I had hit Bernard's face with all my might. Oh….
Suddenly I laughed even though I was in a chaotic situation.
“Excuse me... ah ah...”
I slapped that bastard's face. How did Bernard look so shocked? I hit him with all my might until his lips exploded.
I slapped him on the cheek, and now I have a swollen hand and an almost broken arm. These things, for me, are pleasant and comfortable things.
If it weren't for the sharp pain from hitting my elbow and the dangerous sensation that half of my face was swollen, I would have felt so good that I wanted to laugh madly with my whole body.
Yes, I wanted to hit Bernard so bad.
I achieved my dream by beating him...am I so lucky?.
Then I told poor Hana, who was completely frightened.
“Hanna, get the doctor. Call someone to help me get to my room.”
I told Hana, who was looking at me with fear and anxiety, with a smile.
"Don't look at me with strange eyes. I'm not crazy. He had just slapped my cheek, so I slapped him the same way, but Mr. Bernard looked at me with surprised eyes. I laughed because that was a bit funny."
When I think about it, it's funny again.
"He hit me, did he think I wouldn't hit him? What a funny human being. Aren't you here?"
The doctor said, scolding me severely.
“If you swing your hand like that without knowing how to use your strength properly, your arm will be very bent.. Look, your palm is swollen.
You would have broken your hand if you hit him harder, you're an idiot. Next time call a servant and tell him to hit him. Or at least carry a whip! “.