Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty.

Once I put my hand to my face, I noticed that the tears had really stopped.

Then I realized.

Oh, was the reason for his simple question to calm me down?.

That was really a skillful and kind expression.

This was a moment where he made me feel ashamed for acting stupid in front of this adult.

Why should I show this scene in front of this man? Shame was flowing in my eyes.

"Thank you."

"Quite the opposite. You'd better cool your eyes then."

While we were busy walking, I noticed a comfortable bench in the corner that looked like it was being used as a break room.

He propped me up and sat me there, then left for a moment and came back with a cold towel.

“Put it on your eyes for a moment.”

Although I thought that putting a towel over my eyes would ruin the makeup, I actually did, my face was already ruined and my hair was wet with tears.

I looked directly at him and said thanks.

“Thank you for your concern. I apologize for being out of my mind and causing you inconvenience. Now you can leave if you wish. I will try to find my comrades.”

But actually, once my eyes had cooled, my intention was to tidy up my hair and get out of the party.

Lucky my mother arrived in her own carriage, so I could leave first without her worrying.

I bid him farewell, using the towel I had placed over my eyes, and took a moment to check my appearance.

I felt sympathy from him. It was good to meet someone nice on this day when my heart was broken.

To receive this little support as a gift on this day was something to be praised.

This moment was like when you find someone to shade you in the pouring rain.

Without thinking about why, I was grateful.

Then, as I was looking down and putting down the towel, I felt someone sitting in a chair next to me after getting into that corner.

I was a little shocked.

Why doesn't he go?...I'm in a remote place with a stranger.

I felt a little worried and tried to remove the towel I had placed over my eyes.

Then I heard a quiet voice:.

“It would be unpleasant to leave you here alone in this remote place. I will wait here by your side until you recover a little. If you still feel uncomfortable, let us call someone else.”

The words were cold but they gave me a sense of reassurance. At least, there was no feeling that this man was going to hurt me.

After thinking for a moment, I said:.

“Thanks for taking care. There's no need for someone else. In fact, I was thinking of coming back early if I come to my senses a little bit. My mother shouldn't see this look, at least.”

Then I added sheepishly:.

"Even though I know that eventually, someone else will find out…at the very least, I don't want to see it in person. This situation is embarrassing enough."

There was no direct response, but his cold and polite voice was strangely steady, and I even smiled a little as he said:.

"Sometimes it can be helpful to lean on others. If you really need help even in times of weakness, not admitting it is stupid. It may be better to put effort into building human relationships up front than to make things harder when we need it. This means investing in relationships before you need them."

Often, other men would try to comfort a woman when she cried. Was it difficult for him to know how to be supportive, did he find emotional matters too challenging, or was his cold personality at play? In the end, I didn't have enough information to understand.

She smiled a little. I was happy because instead of him seeing my face and the bad look I showed him, I could speak easily and wittily thanks to the presence of the eye towel.

His voice was gentle but the words were stern and oddly office-like, and that was enough to make me smile a little.

I laughed a little and said, “That's a nice idea to invest in advance for the future. That sounds interesting.”

Then I said with a slight smile: “I… I think humans can be a nice little burden. We can care for them and love them, but it’s hard to burden them with our own worries.”

I realized something while I was talking. In those moments, I never asked anyone for help.

Good relationships feel really vulnerable. Worrying about showing up at your worst, becoming something dirty and destructive.

I had no desire to finish.

What happened when you got attached to someone for the first time? It was as deadly as the deadly poison that spread through my body and killed me first.

The poison that killed me was the carriage accident, but the poison had already killed me.

She was silent for a moment, then whispered:.

"It may be true...maybe what you said made sense. I may be lonely to death. I can share joy, but I may not be good at sharing sadness."

So, in the end, I was alone to death. I feel lonely even though I watch the scenes of happiness around me...but that may be just the beginning.

“But perhaps that would be better. When I am weak and tired, and have no strength to defend myself, will I be sympathized and helped, or will I...”

When it comes to expressing the fatal weaknesses that can be exposed when you're at your weakest, are you going to get help or get hurt even more? When you are so weak that you don't have any defense power, what will happen?.

Just thinking about this made me cold.

Of course, I trust people. But it depends on the level of trust I give them in my life.

So when I feel pain and suffering and find myself in a difficult situation, will I be able to trust people? That's a different matter entirely.

“Trust means that things are very difficult...”

When my sentence was strangely interrupted, I hung my head.

I felt a strange feeling looking at the man while I was talking.

What you said was too much. For me, the situation suddenly felt strange.

I had no previous experience sharing such conversations. I suddenly felt remorse. Why did you say this to a stranger? It sure seemed like I was a very strange person.

I've been talking too much unnecessarily. Our hearts were pounding. Why did you say that? I shouldn't have so many problems. Why? He didn't drink alcohol either.

I was stupid.

I closed my mouth.

Today was really fishy in every way. Especially since I wasn't able to control myself to the point where I could trust myself.

At that time, while I was in complete darkness, I heard the answer only through the one open ear.

“When you're too trusting, some say you'll get hurt, but not trusting hurts too. Right?”

There was a voice that was affectionate and yet it had something cold in it. It spoke as if it were presenting the story of the world.

"However, between these two things, between overconfidence and doubt that makes you lose control of yourself, there must definitely be a sweet spot. Finding that sweet spot is very difficult, isn't it?"

These were emotional words of comfort.

"For you and for me, and for everyone else as well, it's really hard to pinpoint that point. It's a job that we have to constantly learn. So, there will be bad days for sure."

Suddenly, my eyes started to turn red. The tears did not flow from my eyes so that they were absorbed by the handkerchief, but they crept in. The man was wiping them, I felt happy about that.

It was strange to hear unexpected emotional words from someone I didn't know and from whom I didn't expect anything. That's why I felt like my heart was wounded.

I had been hurt so many times without knowing it. But when I heard these words that seemed to soothe my wounded heart, I finally understood.

I got hurt a lot. I am in great pain. But now, I can rest.

My tears started to fall again. The fabric wasn't enough to absorb it all, so I felt a single drop trickle through the corner.

I chewed my lip and struggled to respond.

"…Thanks."

Just then, I felt a heavy weight on the facial tissue I had initially placed over my eyes. It was the man's hand.

"Sometimes, crying isn't a bad thing. Especially if you're going to cry endlessly in front of someone you'll never see again, I'll be glad you can cry as much as you want. No harm can ever come through such a thing."

Really, was he really trying to be supportive or was he joking?.

I started laughing and at the same time my lips curled from laughter and crying.

."Maybe. It's hard to imagine crying in front of a stranger..."

I tried to get through it by joking, but in the end I couldn't help crying and started grimacing.

The words were so tender that I couldn't resist crying. His warm hand on my eyes gave me support.