Chapter Two
.Chapter Two.
Rena, who was embraced by Bernard, collapsed, crying endlessly.
“I'm sorry but I love Bernard so much. I can't leave. I can't live without him. I love him so much.”
Her husband, who hugged Rena as if she were precious and precious, and who soothed her so gently.
At that moment I didn't really feel as if I was observing someone else's story.
A messy third-rate romance novel with overly sentimental overtones.
Such a terrible story that seems to have a happy ending even though it's a mess. The only one who becomes unhappy is the stupid and greedy villain who tries to sabotage their true love.
But unfortunately. This was my part of the story now.
It was an impossible dream from the beginning to have a peaceful marriage with such a person.
He was using our marriage as a cover for his relationship with his mistress in the first place.
He married me for this reason, and despite my intense love for him, he did not have the slightest regard for my feelings.
It was all for Rina. For his love.
She turned pale as if a bucket of cold water had fallen on her. She now realizes the harsh truth that was pulling her soul from her body and suffocating her relentlessly.
For the first time I've been so incredibly miserable.
My memory is really blurry. I don't remember clearly what happened to me. All I know is that I hit a car on my way home.
The carriage overturned, and I was thrown and fell on the road to the ground like a lifeless body.
Is this the end of the traditional villainess now?.
But to my surprise, I came back to life again.
Before my marriage to Bernard, back in the day, at a time like this, I used to shake with anxiety and be extremely excited about my wedding and its preparations.
I looked into the mirror while absentmindedly looking at my face and watching my face, which was once again shining brightly as it was before and filled with happiness, as if my face had never known sadness.
My eyes trembled in the mirror.
“Wow...” I said in astonishment, still with that wandering look in my eyes.
Since childhood, I've been told to own things and keep them, and I learned that way a long time ago.
Do not harass others, do not ask anyone for help, and pay attention to your high position, reputation, and pride. These words did not teach me how to be honest or loved.
I thought that was normal.
That was until I met Rina.
I thought getting help was a mean way to abdicate your responsibility and rely on others to relieve oneself of burdens.
That's why I was trying to do everything on my own. I thought that even if my family was in danger, even if my husband didn't come back to me, I could salvage everything on my own.
Although her husband told her that everything she would do to make this marriage successful would be in vain, saying that this marriage was a marriage without feelings, the point was that my great pride could not bear his words and insisted on keeping what was his.
Even when I collapsed, I was alone and survived alone. I paid the price for my choices.
I paid a heavy price, in a painful way.
I opened my mouth quietly and the words flowed out without the slightest feeling of guilt.
“I want to end my marriage with my husband. I cannot marry this brown Adam again.”
I was surprised at myself...I still call him “my husband.”Bernard is no longer my husband. After talking to myself, I realized that the pain I experienced was not just a dream.
Those terrible, nightmarish years still eat away at my mind and heart.
Just like the habit of calling Bernard my husband.
My father, who had his hair up in a white bun, looked at me sternly with gray eyes.
“You are already engaged, and you are preparing for your wedding in a hurry. But you suddenly want to make such a hasty decision? Is it a new whim?”
Your husband has another because of your disrespect for him, and then this is the way of men before they get married... It is the idea that they will be unfree and bound by marriage that suddenly makes them angry, so just as everyone has overcome this matter, you will overcome it as well.”
I shook my head. Then I looked clearly into my father's eyes and spoke firmly.
No, father, I think this marriage is really hopeless... He had a mistress even before marriage!”
I don't think marriage will suddenly make him a good person. It seems that he has no intention of separating from his wife. I was wrong... “Dad, this marriage will never work.”
This is the marriage I wanted from the beginning, and I thought it would not be broken easily.
I slowly got down on my knees while kneeling.
“Father. Please. I don’t want to live in this hell. Please get me out of this predicament and I will do anything else according to your will.”
My father took off his glasses with horrified eyes and headed towards me. His movement was so fast that the edges of his clothes were flapping.
“What are you doing now? Carmella, stand up now.”
But still on my knees, I looked at my father and pleaded with hope.
“I'm serious... Dad, I now realize that every time I met him, he didn't have feelings for me... Even if I continue like this, I'm sure I won't be able to change his mind and make him love me at any time... Please break off this engagement.”
My father looked shocked. His stubborn gray eyes, which were never emotional, shook.
It was worth it...I've always been an anti-fragile daughter.
It was like that when I was growing up, when I was sick, and even as an adult, I always tried to do everything myself.
Even when I learned how to run a home and be a good hostess, I tried to do more than I could, and even if I put pressure on myself, I never relied on my parents.
I tried never to complain. I did my best not to become an annoying girl... I was telling him through my actions that I always do a hard job.
As a result, I grew up as someone who didn't mind asking my parents for help or asking them about anything...actually, I didn't think it was a bad habit.
Because I think it's normal to do your own work.
But this time I couldn't help myself.
I cannot enter this hell again.
Dad finally took a step back.
“Looking at it, it's an engagement between two aristocratic families, so it's not something that can be broken off as easily as you think. Go back to your room and think about it carefully.”
It was natural that I could not get a definite answer immediately, given my father's wise personality. I was satisfied with that and left the room.
It was enough for her to show her will that she never wanted to go through with this marriage.
Compared to my father.
My mother was difficult in a different way than him. She spent most of her time in healing sessions in the countryside or isolated, worshiping in her room.
When she was meeting me, he was cold with me.
My mother, who visited me the next day after my father's visit, warned me sternly.
“There is no such thing as a happy marriage in noble families.
There is no engagement that will be broken if you want it just because your fiancé has a worthless girlfriend.”
I bit my lip so hard it almost bled.
I suddenly hated my naive and immature self who had fallen in love in the past... when I told them that I would throw myself into hell if I didn't have this marriage.
With my head still raised, my eyes met my mother's eyes.
“Marriage should be like a breeze, not like hell!”
Look, mom, I don't have a problem if it's a perfectly arranged marriage.
But because I loved him—no, because I loved him, I could not live such a miserable life. It's okay to say that's stupid of me. “I…I never lied to you, mother…and I’m telling you frankly now. Please go along with my childish games for you just this once.”
I bit my lip more than before and pleaded with my mother. If I take one step back now, the past will devour me again.
My voice, which I tried with difficulty to calm, trembled.
The past was not yet past and was alive and standing behind me waiting to devour me. I felt like if I took one step back, he would eat me up again and take me back to the hellish palace where I got married.
I did not have the confidence to endure this hell again, to return to that place where I screamed without any regard for my voice... that place where no one heard me, as if they were deaf to hearing my pain and my oppression.
Just thinking about it, my fingertips started getting cold and sweaty.
What should I do to convey to you this heavy feeling in my heart? Should I get down on my knees again? Should I cry like crazy? Or should I pretend to be crazy?.
If I had to beg for something by grabbing at least the edge of her sleeve, I was sure she would have responded.
My mother quickly turned back in confusion and bewilderment, and licked her lips nervously.
What did she see in me when she looked at... To show such an expression... I saw a burning expression in her eyes.
I was puzzled by her behavior.
“Mom what's going on?”
Only then did I realize that the hand I was holding in my mother's hand was shaking. It must be because my heart has not yet calmed down from the pain.
I hurriedly hid my hands behind my back and looked at my mother.
My mother opened her lips as if she was about to say something, then closed them again and turned around.
Without asking or saying anything, she left the room without asking any questions.
After my mother left, I sat down. I was so tired. This time, I thought this nightmare would eat me up again.
Why did you leave without a word? I felt as if my mother had fallen off a cliff, her face so pale.
The maid ran over and said, “Miss!” She was worried.
Seeing my pale face, she screamed and muttered.
“Sorry miss, I was wrong. I didn’t even know that my lady’s body was weak because I was distracted by that news and the gossip. I never thought that such a happy event would turn into such sadness.”
After thinking for a while, I realized what you meant.
Oh, it was Rysdell. This maid. She was the first to hear the rumors about her husband's mistress - Raina.
At that time, I neglected this maid and got rid of her. I immediately placed my hand on my chest and furrowed my forehead.
My heart ached. Now that I was in so much pain in the past, now it seems that other people's pain is the same as my own. How painful it was for her to lose her place for a moment because of her anxiety for her mistress.
I was selfish up until that point. I fired the girl without giving her a new life or writing a letter of recommendation. I can almost guess what kind of problem she was going through.
Although this is true, at the time she told me something that was upsetting to hear.
And besides, I had forgotten that at that time I behaved cruelly to those around me only because of my noble position.
I put my hand on the poor girl's forehead and gently combed her hair. Her slightly disheveled hair scattered beneath my palms.
“Okay. Instead, I was being harsh with you. You told me about it because it was for my sake, but I was small and narrow-minded.”
Rhysdale's eyes widened, then became blurry.
She said, “Oh my God....”
It seems that she suffered a lot during that period. Soon tears flooded from her eyes. Seeing others' tears over my situation comforted my heart a little.
“Don't cry. Everyone who sees this will know that I made you cry.”
She wiped away her tears, although it was of no use because her eyes overflowed with tears as soon as she wiped them away.
“I’m sorry.. I thought I had committed a mortal sin by ruining the missus’ marriage... Did you really... did you really... forgive me?....”
She smiled bitterly.
“It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong to bring the bad news… I'm just letting you know that you will always be with me from now on.”
It's just that I was bad at the time because I found out that he had a mistress.
I smiled faintly when I remembered the phrase, “What doesn’t break you makes you stronger.”
However, it was very painful.
I felt like I woke up from a long nightmare, and finally got a chance to catch my breath again.
In the meantime, it seemed like I wasted time on Bernard.