# 18
“Shivlin…really my daughter?”
Revan laughed as if he had lost his mind. He must be crazy.
“……”
He hit the ground with his trembling hands, screaming.
He had wounds, but he couldn't take care of them.
The pain was so intense that it was choking him.
He scratched his choked throat and laughed.
The truth he so strongly believed in was not real.
It was even more painful to hear that Shevlin might not be his daughter.
“I…”
Was he worth crying at all? After causing this outcome, is he allowed to cry?
Divorce.
He thought it wouldn't matter, but now he realized the weight of the word.
Now that he and Helen were strangers.
Revan finally understood what Helen felt when she mentioned the divorce.
“…Helen?”
He saw Helen in front of him.
She did not say a word, but rather approached him and patted his cheek gently.
That was just an illusion. After his treatment of her, Helen could not have been so kind.
“…Helen.”
A lie he couldn't reach, a lie that might soon fade away.
But Revan was happy. Since the day of their divorce, Helen had not even appeared in his dreams.
He could no longer bear the loneliness of isolation.
After seeing Helen after a long absence, Revan confessed his suffering.
“What did I do to you?”
“…….”
Of course, there was no response.
Before the divorce, Revan was remembering what he did to Helen….
The hurtful words he said to her.
“Helen, I told you I was tired.”
He turned away from her after hearing that Hélène had an affair and had given birth to Sheveline.
“…Is this child really my daughter?”
He never believed Helen's innocence.
[“I tried to get over it calmly... and raise Shivalin as my daughter as before.” ]
He asked her about the child's identity, and why she betrayed him.
[“You trusted another woman’s words and hurt me without trusting me.”]
He never listened to her, nor did he trust her for a moment.
[“Aren’t you worried about Arya?”]
He thought of another woman before he thought of Helen's situation.
“…You hurt Helen because of her.”
He postponed Shefaline's baptism... and rejected the child.
Show hostility and say harsh words that will leave a permanent scar.
The fragments of his memory mixed together and tormented Revan. He felt like his head was going to explode.
Revan felt so disgusted with himself, he wished to die.
Helen's illusion faded.
“Helen.”
“……”
“I'm sorry. You did nothing wrong... It's all because of me...”
In the end, Helen disappeared. No matter how hard he tried, it didn't appear. Maybe this was normal.
Because of what he did to her.
“You hate me so much... you won't even let me do this.”
Revan no longer had the strength to hold on, so he closed his eyes, and his consciousness began to fade.
"Revan? Are you awake? Are you feeling better?"
“…….”
“Your temperature has dropped a lot. That's a relief.”
Revan was awakened by birdsong and a friendly voice.
“…Helen?”
Revan called out eagerly, opening his eyes suddenly.
"Come back. What are you saying? I'm Arya."
But it was not Helen who stood before him; But it was Arya.
"They said you were malnourished. How many days have you gone without food or sleep? Stop drinking on an empty stomach."
Arya, who helped Revan up, spoke in a displeased tone.
“Arya.”
"Okay?"
“It was you.”
Helen wasn't the one taking his temperature and taking care of him now.
Revan closed his tired eyes in disappointment.
"What's wrong? I found you exhausted and saved you."
“…….”
“She thought I was Her Highness a while ago, and she didn’t even come when I gave birth to Jeremy.”
A few weeks ago, Arya gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
Since the day of his divorce from Helen, Revan has withdrawn into his office and never visited her.
“Revan, you are really exaggerating. You could have at least sent a congratulatory message.”
Arya shook her head, angry at Revan's frown.
“It's okay. You can see Jeremy later, I'll skip it since you're sick.”
“…….”
“By the way, did you agree to the paternity test?”
Even before the divorce, Arya was urging him to take a paternity test.
“I asked my uncle in the Rikuir Empire to bring me a blood sample from Winter Rendel.”
“…….”
“You can bribe a priest to replace the samples.”
Winter Rendel, the eldest son of Duke Rendel, whom Revan suspected was Chevlin's real father.
Due to his sudden death, marriage negotiations with the royal family failed, and Helen married Revan.
But Winter Rendell actually faked his death and was still alive.
He became a doctor, wandering around restlessly.
“I thought Chevlin was Winter Rendell's daughter because her hair is pink...”
It wasn't. It was all just a stupid misunderstanding on his part.
“...There's no need for that.”
Revan said coldly, turning to his side.
“What do you mean ‘no need’? Are you serious?”
Arya's voice sounded in disbelief.
Revan felt like everything was Arya's fault, but he didn't have the strength to blame her.
Helen was already gone.
Revan felt extremely exhausted, so he closed his eyes again.
After all, he was the one who had to do it.
Arya concluded from Revan's words:
"Why? Did you refuse to consent? What an insolent woman!"
“…….”
"It's a relief that you divorced her. Do you know how frustrating it was to see you raise an alien chick?"
The intruder's chick, raised by another bird, kills the real offspring and takes its place.
He was born to do it, as if it were ingrained in his nature, just as Revan, the illegitimate son, had done when he took the heir's place.
“And he asked me to raise you, saying that from now on you would be my son, Revan.”
“Shut up!”
Revan's eyes widened, feeling aggrieved by what the Dowager Duchess said.
His life, lived in someone else's shoes, seemed so cowardly.
“Revan…?”
Blood rushed to his head, and he snatched the vase from the window and smashed it on the floor.
The vase shattered with a loud thud, and sharp fragments scattered on the ground.
Arya was so shocked that she couldn't move, she just rolled her eyes.
The water flowing from the vase slowly seeped onto the front of Arya's shoe.
“Re-Revan.”
The cold water brought her back to consciousness, and her voice trembled.
This side of Revan was foreign to her.
“W-what did you just do to me?”
Arya stuttered in disbelief.
“How dare you do this?”
“…….”
Arya secretly enjoyed Revan feeling guilty towards her.
When she asked him to be her son's father, he refused, but he never treated her harshly.
Revan even took her to Count Louise, his maternal grandfather, asking the Dowager Marchioness to take good care of her.
He promised her to obtain his parents' permission to seek asylum.
"Did I say something wrong? She's a virgin! Is this woman so dear to you? Is that why you're doing this to me?"
After her divorce from Princess Helen, she thought that he would soon start a new family with her.
"You bastard! How dare you... me..."
Arya burst into tears, tears filling her eyes.
She was suffering from postpartum depression, and everything seemed unbearably sad.
“I live like this because of you!”
“…….”
“You couldn't even take care of me properly... How dare you do this to me?”
Arya got angry, pulled her hair, and exploded into hysterics.
When Revan covered his ears in annoyance at the noise, the old butler who had been watching silently intervened.
“Miss Arya, Siddeb looks very tired.”
“How could he do this to me?”
Arya, who was constantly sobbing, looked at Revan.
“…….”
His indifference to her made her sadder.
“Let me take you to change your shoes, your feet are wet.”
The butler gently led Arya, who was suffering from hiccups, from the room.
“Sir, I will vacate the room. Please rest.”
With the butler's words, the door was closed.
There was silence. Revan was too weak to move.
“…Helen.”
He could only call out Helen's name desperately, wishing to see her silhouette again.