The first thing Iris did when she opened her eyes was confirm the current date and time.
Ever since she returned from her regression, she had become obsessively fixated on knowing exactly where she stood in time—because this moment always felt like a fleeting dream that could vanish at any second.
Thank goodness.
Cedric was still alive.
Her body felt heavy, limbs like lead, but before anything else, relief filled her heart. Immediately after, guilt followed, directed toward those around her.
If she had just taken better care of herself, none of this trouble would’ve been necessary.
The thought sat heavily in her chest.
It’s my fault. I got complacent.
Of course, in terms of actual time and effort, Iris had never been idle. Since returning from the past, she hadn’t truly rested even once. No one could accuse her of sloth.
But this wasn’t a matter of simple diligence.
Back in the Valentine estate, such a sudden collapse would have been unthinkable.
There had been no one to care for her if she fell ill, no one to step in if her work abruptly stopped.
In truth, that was always the case—ever since I was a child.
But here in Leonteim, she had let her guard down. Why?
…Because I allowed myself to grow soft.
She had been lulled into ease by Cedric’s warmth, his unwavering care.
Unwittingly, her vigilance had slackened—nothing like the constant alertness she’d known before.
And that softness… might one day lead to tragedy once more.
Pull yourself together. There’s no time for weakness.
Iris covered her weary face with both hands, as though in prayer. Her body still ached faintly with the remnants of a low fever, making her limbs heavy and sluggish.
But thanks to a full day of rest, she could move now. At the very least, she could finish the tasks she had left incomplete before collapsing.
Just then, Lucy, one of the handmaidens, entered the room and gasped in surprise.
“Heavens! Madam! You’re awake? How are you feeling?”
“I’ve improved quite a bit,” Iris replied softly.
“Oh, thank goodness. We were all so afraid you wouldn’t wake up. You have no idea how worried everyone was.”
Despite her words of reassurance, Iris still looked deathly pale, her expression shadowed by lingering fatigue.
The physician said to summon him immediately once the lady wakes.
Lucy set down a tray with steaming water and herbal pills on the side table.
“Not just me—everyone’s been terribly worried about you, Madam. If we’d realized you were in such pain sooner, we would’ve called the healer immediately. It was our failure.”
“I’m sorry I caused so much concern,” Iris replied in a melancholy voice.
As expected, she had become a burden again.
“What are you talking about? We should’ve noticed before you had to say anything! That’s on us!”
Lucy, even in her excitement, carefully poured a cup of hot water for Iris. “Master, you should drink this water.”
“Thank you.”
After taking in the hydration, Iris felt her body recover somewhat. As she rubbed her aching limbs, Lucy chattered on.
“When the Master hears that the Lady has awakened, he’ll be overjoyed and come to see her at once.”
“The Grand Duke?”
“Of course. Especially Master… ah, don’t even get me started.”
At the mention of Cedric, Iris clenched her fingers tightly in anxiety.
Has he been disappointed in me?
He might have felt annoyed seeing her collapse as soon as they reached the Grand Duke’s territory.
I didn’t want to disappoint him.
Iris had constantly let her family down. No matter how much she tried, no one was ever satisfied.
“Valentine doesn’t need useless people like you. Taking you in and feeding you is a waste.”
“Why are you always so childish? You only have to do well; why can’t you? At this rate, I’ll have no choice but to be deeply disappointed in you.”
“Are you jealous of me, sister? If not, why won’t you do it for me? You actually hate me, don’t you?”
By now, the fact that she could never satisfy her family no longer mattered.
They no longer held any meaning to Iris.
Only that even Cedric’s disappointment pained her deeply.
Perhaps, objectively, Iris was useless to everyone.
A sense of helplessness flooded over her weary body, making her head spin in a dizzy haze.
There’s no time for self-blame.
Iris cautiously pointed at the medicine Lucy brought.
“Is this the medicine I have to take?”
“Yes, Master. Take it now, then again after your meal.”
“Alright, understood.”
“Wait—please see the doctor first!”
Iris nodded gracefully and swallowed the medicine.
The crushed herbal concoction gave away its ingredients even by smell alone.
This is a slightly weaker formula than what I took before.
It seemed the doctor had reviewed the medicines she’d been taking. However, this formula hadn’t been effective for a long time.
I’ll mention it next time I get a prescription.
Iris rose from the bed and headed straight for the Lady’s private chamber. Surprised, Lucy hurried after her.
“Master? Where are you going?”
“There’s unfinished work from before I collapsed. I’ll be in the chamber—send the doctor there.”
“Huh? You’re heading to the study
right now
?”
“Then I’ll leave it to you.”
“W-Wait, Madam! The physician said you need absolute rest!”
Lucy hurried to stop Iris, but the lady had already made her way to the Grand Consort’s study.
Yet Lucy hadn’t accounted for one thing: Iris’s temperament.
The moment Iris sat down and began her duties, the storm of unease inside her began to subside.
It wasn’t that she found joy in the work itself—far from it. But having something tangible to do, a task before her, kept the feelings of helplessness at bay. The thought that she could still be useful brought a sliver of comfort.
“Iris?”
Before she realized it, Cedric had appeared, his expression filled with urgency and alarm.
His crimson eyes wavered with visible agitation.
“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m attending to the duties of the Grand Consort,” she replied calmly.
“That’s not what I meant. Why now, of all times?”
His voice trembled—part sorrow, part restrained fury. Iris flinched.
Is he… angry at me?
Cedric was not the kind of man to show emotion over trivial matters.
So for him to be this shaken—it meant something.
Did I cross a line I shouldn’t have?
Iris quickly went over her actions, trying to identify what she might’ve done wrong. One thought came to mind: overstepping her bounds.
“…I’m sorry. I suppose I wasn’t ready to take on these responsibilities yet.”
After all, there was a discrepancy between her memories and those of the people here.
To them, I’m someone completely new.
Iris had returned with memories of a life lived, including her time managing these very affairs. To her, stepping in felt natural—but to others, it may have seemed presumptuous.
Now that I think about it… I didn’t receive any formal handover or permission.
And in his territory, acting without leave could be interpreted as an affront.
“I apologize. I overstepped and caused trouble.”
Her voice grew quiet as she offered an explanation that felt more like a weak excuse.
“I must’ve been overly excited…”
But even that excuse felt hollow. Iris knew it too, which is why she added quickly:
“Still, that’s no justification. I was careless. I’ll make sure nothing like this happens again.”
As she spoke, her words sounded more and more pitiful, even to herself. Her shoulders slumped under invisible weight.
“What are you talking about?”
Cedric’s voice sounded closer now.
When she hesitantly lifted her eyes, they met his.
At some point, Cedric had approached and knelt before her, resting one knee gently on the ground so their eyes could meet at the same height.
“Iris,” he said softly. “Lift your head.”
Cedric clasped his trembling hands around his own cheek.
Iris blinked.
With a deep, steady gaze, Cedric locked eyes with Iris’s sky-blue pupils.
“You are my wife. Naturally, you may do whatever you need.”
As his warm, large hands cradled her face, her entire body felt wrapped in a comforting embrace.
“Do not apologize to me.”
“But…”
“If you feel the need to keep apologizing, it means I have wronged you.”
Cedric’s handsome face drew closer, and he pressed a gentle kiss to Iris’s forehead.
The kiss, light and sealed with just his lips, carried a strangely reverent feeling.
“I worry because you push yourself too hard. Could my concern be a burden to you?”
Cedric’s crimson eyes sparkled with worry and kindness as they met hers again.
He shone like the sun—so warm and radiant that she feared being enveloped by his gentle aura if he reached out.
Iris slowly parted her delicate lips.
“…That’s not the case.”
“Then tell me why you had to push yourself so much.”
“It wasn’t pushing for me. My condition has improved significantly. I’ve managed well even in worse states.”
Cedric frowned slightly, a hint of dissatisfaction in his expression.
“But just because you’re not dead yet doesn’t mean you aren’t overexerting yourself.”
“Th-That’s not true. I judge the situation objectively.”
“Is that so? Do you really think this was an objective decision?”
“Then what else could have driven me to act this way?”
“Is that so…”
Cedric narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, scrutinizing Iris, then nodded.
“I understand now.”
Iris blinked. Understand what?
“Excuse me for a moment.”
Cedric approached slowly and suddenly lifted Iris from her chair in a swift motion.
Startled, Iris called out to him with a dazed expression.
“Grand Duke?”
“I’ve reached a very reasonable and justified conclusion that you need to eat.”
“Uh…?”
Why did he come to that conclusion so suddenly?
Cedric smiled wryly as he held Iris in his arms.
“You came straight here without eating anything after waking up, didn’t you?”
“…I took my medicine.”
Cedric’s face darkened, and Iris immediately realized her mistake, quickly adding,
“The medicine hasn’t taken effect yet, so I haven’t eaten. I planned to eat after consulting with the doctor.”
"Then that means there's no reason you can't eat
right now
."
“…Pardon?”
“Vincent should have already prepared your meal. Let’s go at once.”
“Ah… in that case, maybe I could just eat a little later—”
“There
is
no later.”
Judging by his tone, Cedric seemed fully prepared to carry Iris all the way to the meal and feed her himself if necessary.
If she were still dazed and out of sorts, maybe that would’ve been fine. But being of sound mind, being carried in his arms like some porcelain doll was a bit too embarrassing.
It felt unnecessarily dramatic over something so minor.
“Alright. Then I’ll walk on my own.”
“Is that so? I believe you
can
walk on your own.”
But judging by his demeanor, he had absolutely no intention of setting her down.
“So please, put me down.”
Iris lightly tapped the firm wall of his chest as if asking nicely. But Cedric’s response was firm.
“I’m sorry, but you’re still a patient. Would you really have me be the kind of man who forces the sick to walk?”
Iris was briefly speechless at his righteous tone.
Just then, Cedric murmured to himself, “You’re far too light…” and suddenly his expression darkened.
“Wait a moment—don’t tell me you took your medicine on an empty stomach?”
Iris replied with an awkward tone, almost like a guilty excuse. For some reason, this man always made her want to explain herself.
Not that she minded.
“I-It was medicine that’s fine to take without food. I even made sure.”
“…”
Cedric said nothing. The silence was heavy.
Iris sighed and admitted softly, “…Okay. I’m sorry.”
“I believe I asked you
not
to apologize.”
“Mm… then what should I say?”
Eventually, Iris stopped resisting and rested quietly in his arms. Her ear brushed against the firm shape of his Adam’s apple.
From the arms wrapped securely around her, from the faint contact of skin through cloth—she thought she could hear the steady thrum of his heartbeat.
“Iris.”
Cedric called her name in a husky, languid voice. His fingers shifted slightly as if uncertain of where to rest.
“May I ask… why you went straight to the study the moment you regained consciousness?”
His warmth, like a spell, brought strange calm to her weary soul.
Buoyed by that comfort, Iris gently confessed the thoughts she'd held inside.
“…Because I wanted to be someone useful to you, My Lord.”
“To me?”
“You’ve… treated me so kindly. I didn’t want to disappoint you.”
Cedric blinked, his expression subtly shifting.
“…I try very hard to understand everything you say, Iris,” he said seriously. “But I simply cannot fathom something.”
“What is it?”
“How… how could I
ever
be disappointed in you?”
Chapter 19